In the sweet dim light of the falling night
by Spinestalker
Summary: Kyle wasn't one to wake people at midnight for random existential crises. At least not on school nights. And though Stan thought to ignore him and go back to sleep, they both know he wouldn't have. - [omega verse] [read warnings]


I don't post much on ff anymore you can find me under the same name on ao3.

Title is from "Love's Coming" By Ella Wheeler Wilcox and yes, I have a penchant for using poetry lines for my titles.

I'm going to underscore the abortion warning here and ABO because you have to make what you want to see, yeah?

Here's to disregarding Colorado's abortion laws and pretending they are better than they probably are.

 **Warnings for:** **Abortion** , **Omega Verse/ABO Dynamics,** Wendy/Stan Breakup, Kyman mentioned briefly, 4k words of slow burn but happy ending

* * *

 **In the sweet dim light of the falling night  
By Spinestalker**

xoxox

 _"Can I come over?"_

Stan squinted at the light of his phone, the message that woke him up displaying just below the 12:41am time.

 _"Please, it's important."_ Came a new message, but before he could unlock his phone, there was another.

 _"Never mind. I'm stupid. Sorry."_

Stan wrinkled his nose and considered ignoring it in favor of going back to sleep, but It was Kyle. He had been acting evasive and jittery all week and he wasn't the type to drag other people into late night existential crises. At least not on school nights. Stan replied.

 _"No, it's fine but can I come there?"_

He was already up and pulling on pants by the time Kyle replied.

 _"Let's go for a walk."_

It was something below freezing, but as longtime South Parkians they were used to the cold. The moon was bright, and the snow provided ample light as he joined up with Kyle.

Kyle looked a mess and smelled stressed enough for Stan to feel it in his own shoulders. He only offered a quick "hey" before starting down the sidewalk for Stan to follow.

They ended up at Stark's Pond, on a bench where Kyle looked despondently at the frozen water. He remained silent but Stan was still too sleepy to fill it. It was almost 5 minutes of nothing before Stan finally let out an impatient breath.

"Why—"

"I need you to drive me to Denver tomorrow," Kyle burst out so fast Stan almost didn't catch what he said.

"What about class?"

"Ike has a thing in Pueblo and no one will be home, so tomorrow is really the only day I can do it." Kyle's eyes were glued on his hands, skin white and knuckles red from the cold and Stan realized he didn't have gloves.

"Do what?"

Kyle took a breath, looking at Stan and for the first time he could see the red around his eyes. But he lost his bravery and looked back away.

"I need to go to a clinic."

"A clinic?"

"A clinic," Kyle blurted out exasperated. "A clinic. An abortion clinic."

His voice was loud enough to echo, and Kyle winced but Stan continued to gape at him confused.

"But you don't.. I mean you had your last heat alone, didn't you?"

"Yes. But like, I slept with someone just before it and you always hear that bullshit and I never even considered it and I'm so fucking stupid.".

"But why not the one in town? Why Denver?" It was 3 hours away.

"Uh, you mean the one Cartman's MOM works at?" Kyle snapped, his voice cracking, "Why are you asking so many fucking questions? If you don't want to take me that's fine. Fuck!"

He stood up to leave, but Stan was quick to follow, grabbing his hand to pull him back.

"That's not what I mean, sorry. I just thought your mom was okay with that stuff."

"She is, but like... I'd have to tell her, and telling her will lead to the who, what, and how part, and man I have to put up with enough of her pressure about school. But if she found out I didn't tell her, she would go off, and this is South Park and everyone finds out about everything and I just can't deal with that right now."

Kyle broken sobs came on hard and sudden, and he scrubbed his face in frustration. With a soft breath Stan pulled him into his arms and Kyle responded with a desperate strength. Pressing his nose to Kyle's ear, he spoke to him in a low soothing tone.

"You're not stupid for making a mistake. We'll leave first thing tomorrow, okay? When it's over, you'll feel better."

Kyle nodded, hiding his face against Stan's neck where he could feel the wetness and the restrained sobs. Taking a deep breath, Stan held in the soothing scent of his best friend, ignoring the bitterness of his sorrow and the acidic taste of another alpha.

* * *

It was still dark when they left. Stan's parents were both home, but he left before they woke. The Broflovski family car drove by just as Stan warmed his up.

The drive was long and quiet, with Kyle changing the radio station every other song, never letting anything but music play. It was an hour before he spoke, but it was mostly about cars and bumper stickers and anything that could distract him for a moment.

Stan couldn't remember what he was thinking about, but Kyle's stress made his stomach twist and the drive seem three times as long.

They reached Denver at the peak of rush hour and sat in traffic for a solid 15 minutes before they could exit. It wasn't hard to find, an unassuming tan-brick box-shaped medical building. He offered to go with him, but Kyle declined.

"Hopefully this won't take long."

It took 5 hours and unfortunately Stan's worry for Kyle made him forget his charger on his desk.

Stan's battery was at 10% when Wendy texted him.

 _"Where are you?"_

Stan looked at the clinic then the shopping mall across the street. _"Why?"_

 _"We have things to do today? My parents, remember?"_

He kicked himself because he hadn't remembered. He had hardly thought about anything but Kyle since he got his text last night.

Taking a breath he hit call.

"You forgot," she accused as soon as she answered.

"I'm sorry, I am so fucking sorry. Something came up."

"Where are you? What's wrong?" She sounded worried and again Stan looked to the building.

"Nothing's wrong I'm just..." he trailed off, not knowing how to explain himself. "In Denver."

"Denver? Why are you in freaking Denver? Your mom didn't know where you are. She said you were gone when she woke up."

"Yeah, sorry Kyle needed me to do something."

The dead silence on her end made him instantly regret saying his name.

"Kyle," she repeated. "Of course."

"Whatever you're thinking..."

"For years I've put up with you blowing me off for him. For fucking years," her voice was interrupted by the beep of an incoming call, but he didn't look to see who it was.

"I know, I..."

"No. I am speaking." she interrupted, "I am so sick of your excuses. I've let you blow me off time and time again, but today? Of all the days?"

Stan leaned his head on the steering wheel. "I know, I'm so sorry."

"I thought this was going to be it for us." There was an extended silence, and he could her swallowing back sobs. "You told me you would do better."

"And I'm trying, but Wendy this is..." he looked at the sign, then thought of Kyle's frustrated sobs against his neck. "I'm sorry."

"I can't compete with him. I never could. I don't know why I've tried. He just says your name and you knot up like a-"

"Kyle and I aren't like that. We never have been. You know that."

"Yeah, well, now you can be. I'm tired Stan. And this is just... this is it. I just can't."

"Wendy..."

"It's over. I'm done. We're done."

"Wait-"

"Goodbye Stan."

He looked at his phone when the line went dead, seeing the missed call was from his mom but before he could do anything, his phone powered off for a low battery.

"Shit," he breathed, the word coming out with a puff of frozen breath. He tossed his phone to the backseat before rubbing his nose. He wished he could hit rewind, but he wasn't sure if it would have changed anything. He would have still brought Kyle to Denver and he would have still broken his promise to Wendy. She would probably understand if he told her. But he wouldn't. If Kyle didn't want anyone to know, Stan wasn't going to be the one to say it. It wasn't anyone else's business, anyways.

With an ache to stretch his legs, he got out of the car. It wasn't much colder and was well within the tolerable range as both an alpha and a Coloradoan. Not wanting to feel sorry for himself while stewing in his car, he decided to feel sorry for himself leaning against it. At least then he would have fresh air to bite his sinuses.

* * *

Kyle looked tired when he left the building. A few protesters lingered just off the property and one shouted that Kyle was going to hell. Stan would have punched him, but Kyle just barked a laugh.

"You have no idea."

"How do you feel?" he asked when Kyle reached him, but despite his clear exhaustion he took a deep breath and gave a small smile.

"Better actually. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The worst part was the wait."

Stan was glad, and hearing it made him feel better. "You hungry?"

"Starved!" Kyle groaned.

They went to some hole in the wall burger joint Stan's dad used to take him to every time they came to Denver for a game. It was a out of the way, but worth it to watch Kyle moan over the fries, all stress that had kept him from eating breakfast gone. Afterwards they went to the Zoo because Stan was still a nerd for animals.

As if Kyle had been bottling up thoughts for a week, he filled the trip back with conversation. One of Kyle's biggest stresses — now, at least — was that his first choice university had yet to send an acceptance letter yet. Stan scoffed at the already clear valedictorian and admitted he had yet to send any off. There were football scouts courting him, but he wasn't sure that was what he wanted.

Stan didn't think about telling him about Wendy until they took their exit home. But by then Kyle's good mood filled the car with a warm pleasant scent and Stan didn't want it to stop.

Neither of them said anything when Kyle stole Stan's sweatshirt from the backseat even though he had his own jacket.

It was dark when they got home, and Stan watched Kyle head down the street to his house before going into his own.

His mother was livid.

"Where the hell have you been?" she demanded before he had even closed the door. "Wendy called because you weren't in class but when I called you it went straight to voicemail. Randy didn't know where you were. I tried to call Kyle but couldn't get ahold of him. I even called Sheila-"

"Noooo," Stan groaned, pressing his hand to his head. "Why did you call Mrs Broflovski..."

"Because I was worried! But she said Kyle took the day off school to catch up on his AP homework."

Stan's protests halted, and he took a breath. Of course Kyle had been clever enough to cover his tracks. Stan wished he had the same foresight.

"Where the hell were you?"

"I needed to..." Stan tossed his key to the table and started pulling off his coat, "get out of town for a bit."

"For 12 hours? Without telling me anything? What about your phone? What the hell do you think we pay the bill for?"

"It was dead, I'm sorry I just," he rubbed his face. "I was clearing my head."

"Clearing your head?" she sounded dubious, and Stan hated lying to her.

"Wendy and I broke up."

Her expression melted from anger to pity. Taking advantage of that left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he let her think what she wanted.

"Oh, Stanley, why didn't you tell me...? " she wrapped him in a hug that smelled like safety and love and warm cookies. "I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"It was about Kyle, again," he shrugged, waving an arm as if to display the obvious because she knew it was always about kyle. "She didn't trust me and wanted me to choose: Her or him. I chose him."

If she had thoughts on the subject, she kept them sealed behind pursed lips. She was a beta and sometimes had trouble understanding Stan's pull to Kyle when he had Wendy. Hell, Stan had enough trouble trying to explain it to himself, it was one of the reasons he just accepted it. It was easier.

She stroked his hair flat and patted his cheek with sad smile. "Well, next time you do something like this, tell me. I'll understand. Just don't scare me like that."

He nodded and let her give him a kiss on the cheek before ushering him into the kitchen for something to eat.

* * *

"You and Wendy broke up? What the hell?" Kyle said as soon as he saw Stan on Monday. He should have known everyone would already know. He shrugged and focused on his combination.

"I thought you guys were talking about getting married," Kyle continued.

"We were, but uh.. It didn't work out."

"When did it happen?"

"Friday."

Kyle paused, "But we were in Denver. You didn't say anything."

"Yeah. It happened while you were, um.. You know."

"Stan..." Kyle sighed, leaning against the locker and Stan got a deep breath of him. Clean omega, but there was a strong smell of Stan still clinging to him. He realized Kyle must have been wearing his sweater under his jacket.

"What happened?" Kyle asked.

Stan considered lying. He wanted to. He wanted to be three weeks from now and beyond this stage of everyone's pity. But he'd never been good at lying to Kyle.

"We were supposed to talk to her parents about it after school. Maybe look at rings. I drove you to Denver instead. She's mad, I don't blame her."

"But.. I mean.. She knows we aren't anything. Surely she can't be mad at you about why."

Stan shook his head and started down the hall. Indifference had become Stan's only emotion since Friday. Like his brain went on standby while the world kept moving around him. He didn't want to have this conversation, but Kyle wasn't one to let things go.

"You told her, right?"

"No. You didn't want anyone to know. So I kept quiet."

"But.. I mean..."

Stan stopped with a sharp heavy breath before looking Kyle in the eyes. "It's not her business, and I'd make the same choice, regardless. Besides, if she can't trust me about you then what use is there in getting married."

Stan left him standing alone in the hall, slipping into his first period. He spent the rest of the day ignoring the looks and whispers of the South Park rumor mill.

* * *

It was just after 8 when the doorbell rang. Stan didn't expect it to be Wendy.

"Hey..." she said, looking small and meek with her hands her pockets. "Can we talk?"

Stan was pretty sure he didn't want to, but stepped aside to let her in.

"Where's your parents?" she asked.

"Uh, out. One's avoiding the other and I can only hope the other is dead in a ditch."

She frowned at him with pity and disappointment and it was a relief to find it easy not to care. She didn't understand why he couldn't just try with his dad. She had good parents in loving relationship. Stan had a dad with alcoholism and a girlfriend. The only thing Stan got out of it was his mother's war on booze.

For once, at least, Wendy didn't press it.

"Kyle talked to me after school."

Stan hadn't expected that though he should have. Kyle wasn't one to leave misunderstandings alone.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" she continued

"Because it wasn't your business. He didn't want anyone to know, so I wasn't going to tell anyone. Not even you. Besides you were pretty adamant about not letting me talk."

She looked guilty, and Stan felt too numb to be glad.

"Look, I just.. I'm sorry. I should have trusted you. It wasn't fair."

"No," he agreed without venom.

"Can we just... do this over. Try again this weekend?" She moved closer with a soft secretive smile, the smell of her lotion invading his senses. It was enough to remind Stan that he really did love her. Once. Maybe even still. But he couldn't bring back the feeling without effort and he found that he really didn't want to try.

"No."

"But I..." Her eyes went wide and when she took a step back, he let her. "I mean I talked to Kyle. I'm not mad. I understand."

"I know. And I thank you for understanding. But all this made me realize that breaking up was for the best. For both of us."

She choked on a laugh, her eyes already brimming. "It's Kyle isn't it?"

"This isn't about Kyle," he told her, and it was the truth. "This is about us. I love you. But we aren't going to work if I have to keep defending my relationships with other people."

"But Kyle is an omega! You're an alpha! You have to see where I'm coming from."

"I do, but you have to see where I'm coming from."

She crossed her arms and looked everywhere but at him. "Did I even stand a chance?"

Stan sighed. "There wasn't ever a contest, Wendy. You were always the only one. But I'm tired and I don't want to do this anymore."

When she left Stan felt less numb than he had in days. It felt good and that the hollow ache in his chest filled with every breath he took.

* * *

This time it was Stan texting Kyle, because unlike Kyle, Stan did bother people at 1 am on school nights about existential crises. Kyle responded immediately.

When Stan crawled through his window, Kyle was still in Stan's sweatshirt, and lime green pajama bottoms that only Kyle could pull off. He was at his desk with his AP Calculus II book in his lap and homework scattered around him.

"Did Wendy talk to you?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"And?"

"You didn't have to tell to her, you know." Stan paused a beat. "But thank you."

Kyle brightened. "So you got back together?"

Stan laid down on Kyle's bed and buried his face in the pillow. He unabashedly breathed the smell of comfort and omega before putting his eyes on Kyle.

"No."

"What?" Kyle exclaimed, "But she seemed really sorry about what happened."

"She was."

"And?"

"I'm not."

"Not what?"

"Sorry."

"I don't... Why?" Kyle exhaled, running his hands through his hair in frustration as if he really didn't understand. Maybe Stan didn't either. But he wasn't sorry.

"Like I told you before: if she can't trust me, what use is there? For years I've had to go out of my way to reassure her that you and I are just friends. I've had to pointedly choose her over you, I've almost fucked _us_ up to keep her happy."

Kyle slouched, his eyes cast away and Stan wondered what he thought he was guilty of.

"It's not your fault. You're an omega, but we were friends long before that."

Kyle sighed, abandoning his homework to sit on the bed next to Stan. But kept his attention where he worried the hem of his sleeves.

"When I talked to her, she said she was trying but our relationship intimidates her," he said after a minute.

"Every single instinct in my body pulls me back to you. She knows that. It's the same reason you called me to take you to Denver. Not Kenny, not another omega like Butters or Tweek. But me."

Kyle rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes, but the salty taste of tears clung to the air. "I've tried to help and not be so dependent on you."

"I know. That's why you've been fucking Cartman."

With a sharp breath, Kyle looked at him, his eyes wide. "How- I... why would you think that?"

Stan propped his head up with his hand to look at Kyle, letting him see the lifted brow. Kyle slouched, looking small and vulnerable in the oversized sweatshirt. He was the worst liar.

"Is it that obvious?"

"You always run to him when you think I'm pushing you away, you have since we were kids. Besides, I can smell him on you afterwards."

Kyle rubbed his face but only made his cheeks redder. But it wasn't with embarrassment. Kyle's misery burned like smoke.

Stan held out his hand and Kyle didn't hesitate to lay down, his head on Stan's bicep. Stan wrapped his free arm around him and pulled his back flush against Stan's chest.

"Why are we such idiots?" Kyle asked, his voice muffled by Stan's arm.

Stan didn't know, and he didn't answer because neither of them cared anyways. Instead, he pressed his nose to Kyle's neck, relishing the mouthwatering scent that was Kyle's and how it mixed so naturally with his own. He liked Wendy's sweet melon lotion, and the safety his mother's inspired. But Kyle's always stood out as Stan's favorite, capable of arousing and soothing his desires in equal measure. It filled his chest with warmth and his mind with thoughts of a childhood without real complications. Just two boys, not alpha and not omega. Just shenanigans and innocence.

Of a time before spending too much time in Kyle's presence made Stan's teeth ache and mind wander to thoughts that were anything but innocent.

He had masturbated to the smell of Kyle before. It made his knots better and his orgasms longer. He always felt guilty after, swearing to himself to never do it again. He would then distract himself with Wendy and limit his exposure to Kyle. Then Kyle would wander back to Cartman and Stan would get jealous and start taking up more of Kyle's time. Then the cycle would start all over again.

He knew very well, regardless of what stage of their orbit they were in, Kyle always "borrowed" his sweatshirts just before his heats. And Stan always got them back smelling of detergent. He never preened over it or encouraged it, but he allowed it and never questioned it. Because it was Kyle.

For the very first time Stan asked himself how they hadn't ever managed to hook up.

A year later, when Stan pins Kyle to a door at a college party, both drunk and Kyle's hand around Stan's dick, Kyle is going to voice that same question. But Stan still won't have an answer. He won't have an answer the next morning when he wakes up to Kyle watching him, a calm wonder in his expression. He won't have an answer on their first real date when they do what they always do, only make out after. And during. And before.

And he still won't have an answer as they stand in front of their families, barely holding themselves together long enough to say their vows.

"Stan?" Kyle asked, his voice sounding far away and Stan realized Kyle had begun drifting asleep.

"Yeah?"

"You're my best friend."

Stan close his eyes tight to fight the sudden burn of tears and didn't trust himself to answer around the emotion clogging his throat. But he tightened his hold and knew then that maybe he was the one who never stood a chance.

When they are 30, curled together on the coldest night of the year with Stan straining to hear the fluttering beat of a heart just beginning to grow, Kyle is going to ask him when he knew that he was in love.

For that, Stan will have an answer.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading, please review if you like. If you enjoy Omega Verse I have an ongoing 70k+ High Fantasy AU on ao3 that I wont post here.**


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